IC Voicemail

[evowhisperer]

 *There's nothing but a long silence after the ringing stops. If the caller's been looking at their screen, there are plain black-and-white letters on display:*

Please leave a message after the beep.

*Beep.*

Comments

[dead_black_eyes]

I know just what you mean.

[Both personally as Lazarus and secondhand as L. That's one thing Lazarus has in common with his Other, the tendency to push the envelope until bad things happen. It's not that he's blithe to consequences; it's that he believes, sincerely, that there are causes worth risking them for.

It's a very dangerous way to think, but it offers him the chance to feel that small sense of kinship with Cesar for something else.]

Even if he made it look easy, it wasn't... if he had those wits and that strength, you must as well, even if it hasn't been realized to its full extent yet.

[He doesn't startle at Cesar's touch. Maybe he was expecting it this time, to at least some degree.]

Is it finished?

[evowhisperer]

*The grimace is mixed in with a smile.*

{I don't know if I'd describe it in positive terms, considering what he retrieved, but thank you. Yes, it's finished.}

*He keeps his hand close, ready for but not demanding the tool.*

[dead_black_eyes]

[Another smile, another little pang of relief. Even if it's not quite real, it might just be good enough for L.

Hell, he confirmed it, in a moment of terrifying honesty, to Cesar's doppelganger.

He hands back the device, being supremely careful not to drop it.]

What did he... retrieve?

[He wouldn't mention it if he wasn't willing to elaborate, would he? L reasons it's OK to press.]

[evowhisperer]

*Another grimace.*

{A person. His own brother. There was something inside of him. One of his nanites, maybe?}

*The tool bobs as he signs, and the canteen wobbles and tilts as it spins. Cesar seems unconcerned, and turns the machine off: the canteen drops into his waiting hand. The cups are already waiting...*

*The smoothie is fairly well mixed as he fills each cup about halfway, and he pushes one towards L, lifting his own for a taste.*

*It's good. Not fantastic, but for something homemade and spur-of-the-moment it's good enough to load the last of their ingredients into the canteen. He lifts his cup in a 'cheers' to L, drinks some more, and then reaches for the tequila, adding a dash. The bottle is offered to L.*

[dead_black_eyes]

[L reaches for his own smoothie, taking a careful sip. He's definitely had better, and he'd never consider it up to standards to serve at Espresso Yourself now that he is the owner and not a lackluster and perpetually dissatisfied employee.]

So... Chuck's preincarnate. He went back for that person. Nanites?

[He's interested. Not trying to punch holes in Cesar for all the light to escape, but just some of it, to understand.]

[evowhisperer]

*The canteen is refilled, and Cesar pauses to sign.*

{They're tiny machines. Nano-sized. He didn't go back for the person; the details are fuzzy, but he had no idea his brother was there.}

*Cesar lifts the tool, and he's been pretty careless with it so far. He points it at the canteen without looking, but it slips in his hand, aiming at the wire bowl of fruit just beyond. The bowl shakes with a hellish rattle, before leaping into the air and upending bananas and apples every which way, spinning faster than the canteen.*

*Cesar immediately turns the tool off, surprise stamped across his face.*

[dead_black_eyes]

Do you know what was so important about that one? And what changed when he found out that his brother was there?

[Speaking of brothers with Cesar is always a touchy subject, but maybe since it's another life, it's less so. A distraction occurs swiftly in the form of an entire bowl of fruit pelting the entire room like a decapitated Chiquita lady. Through sheer luck more than anything else, Lazarus catches an apple, staring with wary bewilderment in Cesar's direction.]

If... you want to change the subject I assure you there are less startling ways to do it.

[evowhisperer]

{I wasn't changing the subject!}

*He puts the magnet wand tool down carefully, righting the bowl and collecting fruit from wherever it's rolled. In between fruits he signs.*

{I don't know. He didn't arrive looking for his brother, but he seemed happy when he found him. I think he would've brought him with even if the nanite hadn't been inside of him.} *Well, this banana is bruised...*

[dead_black_eyes]

[Lazarus kneels to help. Since getting surgery on his tendons and actually getting usable, somewhat dexterous hands again, he tends to jump at chances to use them.]

I would hope so... considering they were brothers, to leave him behind would be both strange and callous. Did the fact that the nanite was inside him complicate matters, though? To your knowledge? How would that be isolated from a human being?

[evowhisperer]

*Cesar shrugs.*

{There wasn't much time to tell. Lots of people tried to stop him from leaving, and the memory is too vague to guess why. Maybe they wanted the nanite. Maybe they just didn't trust my Other.}

*The lasagna has begun to smell good, and as he passes the oven he glances inside; not much time left, now. He puts the fruits he's carrying back in the bowl, and turns back to L while he waits.*

[dead_black_eyes]

That tends to be how business with Pulses goes. We only get part of the picture, snapshots of a life we're supposed to be able to use.

[He places the few pieces he's gathered into the bowl alongside the fruit Cesar's already placed there.]

I'm lucky. Misa and Nathan's others are both from the same world as mine, so... we've been able to piece together more than most people by merit of comparing and speaking with one another about it.

lskjdf I hadn't realized it'd been this long for this thread

[evowhisperer]

{That sounds convenient. I seem to go months between my own echoes. A lot of things are still very unclear.}

*Cesar picks up the canteen again, and this time he simply shakes it by hand for a few seconds before pouring it out again. It's less mixed than the previous batch, and he only sips his glass this time.*

*cuddles*

[dead_black_eyes]

Convenient?

[He laughs, the sound wavery and a little overwhelmed.]

Something like that. It's almost like whiplash sometimes, to be honest. Months wouldn't be unwelcome, if only for a break. Or getting echoes back that aren't traumatic or don't point to worse things about my Other, but the more it goes on the more I'm convinced he was some kind of psychopath.

*cuddles back*

[evowhisperer]

*His eyebrows pinch together.*

{This is a change from the way you used to admire him. Are the echoes really that bad?}

[dead_black_eyes]

It is a change... I used to want to be as good as him. Now I'm just kind of hoping that I don't up as bad. I have trouble with expressions, sometimes, but... I think he didn't even have a concept of empathy, and that scares me.

[He leans against the counter, staring at an indeterminate spot over the sink.]

Even if it's hard, I think empathy is something humans need. Not only an ability to see consequences, but a concern for them. Without it, I'm not sure how much of the human actually remains.

[evowhisperer]

*No concern for consequences...? Cesar first thinks about the way his copy kidnapped Nathan, but the second thought is much louder, and he's looking at the drawer where the notebooks had once been stored.*

{Yes. People without empathy are monsters, if they don't keep themselves in check. For what it's worth, I don't think you have anything to worry about.}

*The bottle if tequila is still next to him. He could add more to his drink if he just reached out...*

[dead_black_eyes]

[Lazarus' eyes glance in the direction of the drawer, and he chews his lower lip, snapping his gaze back when Cesar begins signing.

He nods, then holds out a hand for the bottle.]

I've quit so many times, but unfortunately, it's not something that gets better with practice. Can I...?

[evowhisperer]

*He hands him the bottle and puts his drink down to sign.*

{What do you mean, quit?}

[dead_black_eyes]

[Lazarus turns the bottle in his hands for a few beats before raising it and taking a small swig.]

Um... I mean just what it sounds like. My problems tended to be with harder things than alcohol, but it's all a part of the same big tangled web of trying to escape life's difficulties. The problem with quitting is that the problems are still there, they're just louder, so... I don't like to say that I'm a recovering alcoholic or addict. I'm just recovering, period.

[evowhisperer]

*Oh. This isn't something he knew. Except, in its own way, it fits in perfectly with the man, doesn't it? Lazarus was 'recovering'. His copy, on the other hand, had been... relapsed.*

*Cesar is determined not to think of the other man (pressing against his back, arms twining around him and touching in ways meant to provoke--), and he shakes his head slightly, eyes dropping briefly to the oven. It's almost done. He looks back at L.*

{I'm glad you're trying. Should I put that away when you're here?}

[dead_black_eyes]

No... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, if you are. It's a mess I got myself into when I was trying to self-medicate for other issues, and it's had a lot of power over me, but part of recovering is shaking that control off. The world has bad things and vices in it, and I can't live a full life and expect to avoid them. The problem isn't the alcohol, or the heroin or cocaine or whatever, it's me. Fixing it starts from the inside-out, as cliche as that sounds. And I'm working really hard on that.

Does it smell good?

[He glances back at the oven.]

[evowhisperer]

*'Do you like the new and improved me?' The last two weeks have been enough to stain his opinion of both Lazaruses, but these snippets of wisdom and self control alone have already gone a long ways towards gaining respect in Cesar's eyes. It shows restraint. When was the last time the doppelganger had any?*

*He looks back at the oven, then fishes up a pair of oven mitts. There's no way to sign once they're on, but he gives Lazarus a brief thumb's up, and the oven is open. Delicious aromas billow out of the space in a rolling cloud, and Cesar smiles.*

*Gloves off. The dish is on the stove.* {That smells amazing. Get plates? They're in that cupboard.}

[dead_black_eyes]

[Lazarus has hit rock bottom, and sometimes his gazes are distant and his smiles are just broken enough to hint at it. His doppelganger is a hurricane of a Mr. Hyde, a reckless study in unrepentant self-destruction, and no one suffering the brunt of it could possibly forget him soon.

He watches, hungrily and wistfully, as Cesar removes the lasagna from the oven. The gradual loss of his sense of smell was something he didn't care much about when he was upping and downing himself daily at will, snowblind and blinking. Now he regrets that he can only catch hints and notes, and only when others would call scents unbearably strong.

He goes quickly for the plates, fetching down two and setting them by the stove.]

I did some really, really stupid things after my entire childhood identity crashed and burned... but I want you to know that after putting it off for years, I recently got tested to make sure none of the stupid things I did with needles could hurt you.

[evowhisperer]

*It's like a game that children play, crushing a pair of rocks together and thinking they feel magnetic attraction after their hands have grown used to pushing. Everything feels a little off balance. Lazarus in front of him, not reaching for his belt and not trapping his hands to nibble enticingly. Something like nausea rises in his gut, but it's too light to really be the same.*

{You did?}

{I mean. Was there anything to find?}

*He already knows.*

[dead_black_eyes]

[Lazarus blinks, the question surprising him, and then he's quickly shaking his head.]

No... if they had, I would have told you right away. It concerns you. That being said, I still brought the results, in case you didn't believe me...

[He quickly reaches into his pocket for a folded series of lab results, with a long list of NEGs. There are also several deficiencies listed; it appears that Lazarus had a very thorough and exaustive amount of bloodwork done.]

Don't worry about the vitamin stuff, it's... really only the top that matters in regards to your own health risks.